..NengMira..
Thursday
25 - 26 March 04
Peach and Sunset
I struggle inside.
Because of a conflict of interest
between my heart and my head
A Love I feel that cannot be released so instead
I bottle it in, so far deep within, until where I begin,
to question the measure of love itself.
A glance her way, made me feel this way
A momentary instant where my heart fell a thousand miles
Into a bliss that consumed every inch of common sense I had.
Her beauty indescribable,
Like watching a sunset burn through clouds.
A picturesque peach backdrop, soothing the fear of an extravagant summer
storm.
Her smile like piercing sunlight, her eyes a storm, her skin the peach rich
canvas exuding warmth.
Her voice a whisper like the wind
But not lost amongst my screaming thoughts.
A solitary flute that plays to my sanity
Void of all vanity, for only myself to listen to.
Im consumed by her presence...
My senses alert by her silken touch.
Fluent in motion, an apparition appearing before me
holding my gaze for a thousand years...
I fear she will and I will gladly remain transfixed
If but to have touched her heart briefly
Yet love her for a lifetime....
In life there are times when things seem unfair
where reason is rare and chaos walks free
I walk with my hands in my pockets.
I don't want my palms read, but I'd like to know what lies ahead
Guess thats asking too much.
I stumble thru what seems like an underground cave
blind like stevie, it ain't easy
But my senses get me thru.
Instinct takes over and I give in.
Common sense has no place here.
Even though this place is common.
I sense warmth.
Its appeal lights my path
Gives me a new direction, Im on my way to somewhere nice.
Don't know where, but its sure better than here.
I hope I don't get burnt.
I've found the source.
Shes beautiful.
Uncertainty still clouds my path.
To be honest, there is no path
Just a trail I've worn into the dirt from walkin in circles.
Why don't I just leave? Because a part of me wants to stay.
Nobody can hurt you if theres nobody around.
But I take a leap into a paradise as rare as true love.
With the hope of finding the warmth once felt.
Using my eyes to guide me, my heart to fulfil me
My mouth to introduce myself to a world that I didn't know
and doesn't know me.
Guess theres no turning back now...
I'm living in the light. I guess theres no more hiding.
Im here. Im me. thats all I have to offer.
thats all I have to give.
Im happy though. I hope you are too.
rikki-man ;p
"dude thanks wearin the wig, i mean.. wings.. haha!! aight den!! hope everyone had fun last nite!!"
Tuesday
janji seorang sahabat..
ah gila malem itu heboh banget deh, gue ama charlie menang taruhan. nah ini bener-bener ditengah panasnya summer yang baju juga udah nggak jelas selapis atau setengah lapis. dan charlie udah kaya' stripper yang setiap menit sibuk mengupas helai-helai pakaiannya. charlie wktu itu baru 21 dan rambutnya baru aja dibotakiin, yang cure for cancer. karena kelaperan kita berenti di McD, dan gilaa ampirr semua manusia kenal sama charlie dan smua comment gituh ke his non-existance hair. dan gue udah kaya' pembantu aja dibelakangnya, dan kaya' baby-sitternya aja mesenin makanan, kaya' emaknya ajah beliin makanan, kaya' bokapnya aja udah niat mo nyuapin, udah kaya' neneknya aja pengen nyeka keringet dan bersiin bibirnya.. "would you like fries with that??"
duh, iyah kan jadi lupa, day dreaming gini sih.. hehe, yaudah makan udah kayak babi menggila aja, sgala ada lengkap kaya' supermarkeeet. yasudahlayah, charlie makannya sebakul ini, pasti abiss. during the whole meal, kita cuma diem. seneng si menang taruhan. tapi agak aneh. awkward. karena malam ini purnama, buset dah, biasa aja dunks. enggak lagi, cuma gerah aja, lapaaar pula, jadi nggak sempet ngomong. kita cuma ngunyah. diem. nggak ada bahan. aneh ya, orang yang bgitu gue kenal dan bgitu mirip skaligus nglenkapin gue, tetep aja ada mati rasanya. gue gak tauk musti ngomong apa. basa-basi, najis fake conversation kan charlie paling anti. dan, hhm.. skalipun bisa aja gue ngaraaang, tapi kan nggak pantes. "would you like lies with that??"
charlie berdiri. kulitnya item banget gila. hawanya nggak enak, nggak tauk kringet apa emang bau daki yang udah ditambal-tambal debu dan dekorasi kotoran dari angin panas yang keriiing banget, mana penuh asep lagi. walah dramatisir ajaaa.. tiba-tiba charlie ngajak ke kingskros, ke restoran jepang yang super anehh. gue nggak ikut. skalipun udah janji mo nemenin dia seharian. gue nggak ikut. males dan capekkk dan wah gilaaa emang apaaan, ntaaar pasti stop di pub, maen pool, minum dll dsb dulu dan ksana kmari dulu juaalan jamu dan ini itu. huh. ntarrr gue udah kaya' pengawal yang ngegeret putra mahkota ke mobil kalo mabokkk ampe muntahnya yang udah kluarrr tanpa tenaga gituh. emang gue budak yang ngebuntutin terusss. "sir, would you like me to wipe your ass and spray it with cologne??"
sinical bgt siii. sarcastic yang terlalu hyper. kenapa coba?? padahal i can put it in a fine line, that there is nothing between me and charlie. segerintik prasaan pun yang kearah mendalam, gakk ada (apapun artinya segrintiik, hehe). charlie cuma seorang teman. meskipun buat dia, gue sahabatnya. yah jelas lah, dia tauk smua ttg gue, i stay true to him. always have. dan misalnyapun gue gak bilang, dia tukkk.. gue mah bodo amat lah, mo critapun ntarrr gue juga lupa, yah kalu dia gak mo crita gue gak usa nanya kalii. nah loh, selfish apa emang ignorance apa emang that's what real friend suppose to act. kalo dibutuhin gue akan slalu ada. bull bgt. buktinya gue skarang udah jalan pulang. step by step, away from charlie. gue tauk, charlie juga jalan gak akan nengok ke gue, the way i'll keep my head straight up.. karena kita sama-sama ngarepin one of us will turn up behind our back. nyenengin abisss kalu bisa jalan dibelakang charlie, atau didepan. at least, gue ada. but no, im not there, and he's not here. nah loh. "yes, i would like to wipe your sorry ass and spray it with cologne although i dont really mind the smell.."
gw lari balik. gak perlu lah charlie mo ngapain juga bodo, pokoknya guehh gak mo disalahin kalu ada apa apa, hahaha. gila gue egois bgt. cuma karena sbetulnya gue tauk dia butuh gue dan dia lg gak labil dan skalipun pengen sendiri gue mesti mentingin dia. karna diem-diem gue takut kehilangan dia.. malam ini. McDonald udah keliatan lagi. dan muka charlie udah nggak jelas bentuknya. dia dimana yah. masa bari lima menit udah sejauuuh ini ktinggalannya. gue ampe udah lupa tampangnya kayak apam. boong bgt sii. taiiik. charlie, lo dimana. pagi ini, waktu lu minta temenin gue cuma janji sampe midnite, dan gue jagain elu kemana aja lu pegii ampe betis gue udah kayak varises dan gue udah buseeet ngantuuuk bgt, mana gak ada duit gak ada rokok. dari tadi pagi feeling gue yang insensitif ini bertebaran minta ketemu charlie. yeah whatever, no strong feeling.. jelas jelas di jidat gue tuh i mite as well write kalo gue sayang charlie. ape kate lu aja de, bosen gue denger bribu alesan gak ada apa-apa ama charlie, nothing. nihil. nol. "please, heaps of lies with that."
lu gila man!! knapa juga makan sgitu banyaknya ampe uang taruhan tinggal 30 dollar. asu lu man. kanpa terus lu bawa smua. knapppa siii, lu knapa. lu beneran mo ngudahin smuanyah yah. gila. gilaaaaa. gue bingung niii. cuma karna gue taukk lu extrim nyah kaya taiiik. dan gue tauuuk lu sakit jiwa. dan gue tau hari ini udah kaya' kutukan buat elu. maafin gue charlie, tapi.. midnite tinggal lima belas menit lagi.. gue udah gak bertenaga. udah gue akhiri hari itu ama charlie. dan yang tertinggal dari charlie ampe skarang cuma kertas 'post-it' kuning, dia bilang thank you for dinner. yaudah itu aja. maafin gue man. ngucapin slamat tinggalpun enggak. tapi gue tauuuk lu ditempat yang lebbi baeeek.. ha.. cuma itu doank dari elo. kenangan. dan itu. udah. the end. "i would like at least a small fries with that."
_
1
_
tuhan, tuhan
aku minta
satu kanvas
aku mau
lukis perempuan
dari belakang
rambutnya ubanan
kulitnya kasar
punggungnyah retak
kakinya lurus
diluar frame
tangannya utuh
siapa tahu
aku minta
satu pensil
aku akan
gambar tubuh
seorang keindahan
yang pasti
sebuah keanggunan
munkin kelihatan
aku ingin
jari palsu
menari kecil
supaya aku
bisa berkaca
dan menangis
ada dimana
permintaanku terkabul
agar bercerita
nyawa ini
akan perempuan
dua dimensi
amien, amien
… …
